1. Only in America.... Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America..... Are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America..... Do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America...... Do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...... Do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...... Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...... Do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......Do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America....Do we use the word politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America...... Do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

STUPID INSTRUCTIONS
1. On Sears hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping". (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside". (Evidently, the shoplifter special)
3. On a bar of Dial soap:"Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how...?)
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." (But it's "just" a suggestion]
5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down". (Oops, too late!)
6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". (As sure as night follows the day . .. )
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body". (But wouldn't this save even more time?)
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with headcolds off those forklifts.)
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness" (One would hope)
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only". (As opposed to what?)